Depressing Days and the Death of a Companion

been feeling low for the past week.
a lot's happened.
rather keep from discussing details.
an unusually long and unbroken series of daily upsets.
though not exactly a first, it's been weighing heavily on me the entire week.

exhausted.

blue.

ambivalent.

depression and its development into cynical contempt.

feign happiness and :)

then, earlier this morning, disbelief at the news of Coby's death.
didn't know exactly how to feel. got up early today only to be greeted by his cold and lifeless body. rigor mortis couldn't even allow him to pass away with the dignity he deserves.

death for a dog, or any animal, is a lonely matter. you die. no relatives. few friends. no eulogy. none of the shit that comes along with human death. you just leave, and the rest  indifferently move along. how i felt at least.

going to miss Coby for a lot of things.
the way that he's so small and just the most behaved among them (well together with fluffy).
the way he twists his head upon hearing a call from someone he doesn't see.
his prim manner of licking himself clean, dignified.
his excitement spilling out of him once he realizes we're about to leave for a walk.
his peculiarly clean and efficient way of eating the meat off his piece of bone.

and most of ung pagkamalambing nya.
what i consider most endearing about Coby is what he does whenever he finds any of us just sitting around, doing nothing. he'd cuddle up between your legs, and just sit and stay there. then, with a rubbing of his little head against your leg, he'd ask only that you reciprocate the affection.

these past days have stretched for so long already.
feeling so sad.
hoping things get better tomorrow.

all there is to do now is to return to facing the unfeeling workload.